Dude! That's Your Sister! By Mike White. The other day I thought of yet another reason why Return of the Jedi stinks: aside from a lousy story (another Death Star?) and some the bad acting (Mark Hamill, Carrie Fisher)...

The other day I thought of yet another reason why Return of the Jedi stinks: aside from a lousy story (another Death Star?) and some the bad acting (Mark Hamill, Carrie Fisher). It offends me on a more Jungian level by breaking the nearly universal taboo of incest.

I don’t think that Luke and Leia consummated their relationship but there was that little peck on the cheek in Star Wars (which some people on the internet are calling A New Hope —isn’t that lame?) and that big ole sloppy tongue kiss in EMPIRE, which nauseates me every time I see it; knowing that their kinship is revealed in JEDI.

I could see Luke maybe having a sister but as a completely different character. I used to be fairly certain that Leia being "the other" to which Yoda refers was a last minute ditch to give some unneeded closure to a terrible screenplay. But then I remembered Lucas’ American Graffiti and the strange exchange that happens when Stephen (Ron Howard) and Laurie (Cindy Williams) are making out in her car:


Well, what’s wrong? You’re just sitting there!


Well, you want to, go ahead!


Not like that!


If you’re not going to remember me for anything else, why don’t you just go ahead!


Aw, come on! You want it and you know it. Don’t be so damned self-righteous with me. After all that stuff you told me about watching your brother.


You’re disgusting! Get out of my car!!! Get out!




Get out! I told you never to mention that!

It doesn’t sound like Laurie and her brother (Curt, as played by Richard Dreyfuss) actually did anything sexual together but what in the world was she watching him do? Masturbate? Fornicate? Regardless, it sounds like our friend Laurie’s little voyeuristic escapade was a little out of the realm of open societal acceptance.

In the three films that Lucas has directed, two of them feature suspect siblings and if one was inclined to think of Indiana Jones (who was treated as a son by Professor Ravenwood) messing around with Marion as strange, chalk up another bizarre sister-brother relationship in Lucas’ oeuvre.

Certainly Lucas isn’t the only director to explore filial lust on screen but Lucas isn’t just any other director—I grew up on Star Wars and it’s pretty damn unsettling to look at these films, movies that shaped my life, and catch a glimpse of the seamy under-belly of Lucas’ psyche.

What other evil lurks in the mind of George Lucas?

There are some who have completely shunned the idea of the Star WarsSpecial Edition, saying that it tarnishes the memory of a once-great film, that it is a plundering of an American film classic. Then there are others who would argue that it’s George’s film—he can do what he likes with it.

There will be longer, more involved philosophical debates among cinephiles but this topic offers so much for nerds to discuss, we just couldn’t resist.

If your first experience with Star Wars was in a theater, prepare to become a kid again. And, if this is your first time, prepare to be blown away! The restored negative is beautiful and the digital sound kicks butt. That is, however, if you see it at a decent theater with a projectionist who knows how to focus a wide-screen film and turn on the surround sound system.

For the print alone this movie is worth seeing again. But the big selling point is the extra footage. We really don’t have much of a problem with the Dewbacks or with the new, slimmer Jabba. It’s this thing with Greedo...

It’s all of four frames but those four frames change so much. If you haven’t seen it yet, here’s the lowdown: you'll remember that during Han Solo’s confrontation with Greedo, the bounty hunter pretty much admits that he’s going to kill Han Solo ("Over my dead body," says Han. "That’s the idea," says Greedo). So, Solo secretly removes his blaster from its holster and shoots this scumbag from under the table. Cool!

Han Solo is a smuggler, an admitted scoundrel, and works for the biggest gangster in the galaxy—he ain’t no hero romping around the galaxy on damn fool crusades... not YET anyway. But now the scene plays out with Greedo shooting and missing at point-blank range before Solo kills him in self defense!

It was self-defense in the first version—just not as clear-cut. Within these four friggin' frames, George has successfully changed the make-up of Han Solo. He’s removed a layer of grey and cleared-up any doubts that Solo’s really just a nice guy with a tough exterior. What a load of crap!

It sucks not only because of the changes of character in Han Solo—but because it looks shitty too! The action needed to be longer than four frames and the continuity blows: when Solo gets up to pay for his drink, there’s no hole in the wall as there was in the previous shot!

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