When I originally thought of this zine it was way back when I was working at a movie theater—much has changed since then. I have long since been fired from the theater, started the zine, and not written a lick about my days at the Taylor Star. But, the name I came up with stuck and it's high time I try to live up to it.

My original goal was to let the down-trodden theater worker know that she or he was not alone in their struggles with the Great Unwashed.

People complaining about the high concession prices, going into wrong theaters, old people saying how cold they were, rowdy teens, gang fights, lousy previews, and breaking films. It can be a thankless job at times.

"But you get free movies!" Sure, the one place I want to be on my day off is the place I spend all of my time. Sure, the pre-screenings are cool but we used to have to beg and plead for them.

No, the most enjoyment I got from the job came from my co-workers and making fun of customers.

The easiest targets showed their colors at the box office where people either had no idea what time the movie they wanted to see started, what movies we were showing, or what was the name of what they were seeing.

I still cringe when I look in the paper every Friday to see some of the names of films opening. I shuddered at Shawshank Redemption, cringed at Hudsucker Proxy, reeled at It Could Happen to You, and choked at Johnny Mnemonic. Here's a list of possible titles a box office person would be asked to sell tickets for on a busy Friday evening—believe me, none of them are too strange.

I once got "The Search for Orange September" for The Hunt for Red October, "Men Don't Leave" became "Men Don't Leave Me Please" to "far-out granny" (as she affectionately was known). And that's just the tip of the iceberg.

If The Englishman Who Went Up a Hill But Came Down a Mountain has taught us anything it's that if To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar doesn't change its title the tag line had better be, "Ask For It By Name."

One of the advantages of video is that people don't have to pronounce what they're renting—they just pick up the box. By the time something comes to video, a lot of people know what they're saying when they ask for it, but I still get people asking for "Guarding Miss Daisy," "Driving Tess," and "Regarding Tess" for Guarding Tess, whose cover box quote says, "It's like Driving Miss Daisy with attitude!"

Or better yet, there was the lady that came up to my pal Chris Vargo's register and wanted to know if we had any copies of "Solid Laughs" in. Now Chris knows his stuff and that title was unfamiliar to him so he had to look it up in the computer system.

"Ma'am? Our computer doesn't show that we carry that title."

She got all bent out of shape, huffing and puffing, and went to the back of the store where she picked up a video box and brought it up to stick in Chris' face.

Chris looked from the box to her urgent face, "Uh-huh. We are currently all checked out of that title." (The box was for Renaissance Man -- see caption: "Solid Laughs.")

Shot In Detroit!

Not too many people like Detroit so it doesn't surprise me that so few films are set or shot here. But, by and by an occasional film takes the chance on our fair city.

I actually can't think of an entire film that has been shot here except Crimewave or perhaps Collision Course, but most of the movies that come to mind have only a few shots of Detroit in them, like Blue Collar, Renaissance Man, The Betsy, Beverly Hills Cop, Crossing the Bridge, and Hoffa.

True Romance had a few shots of Detroit in it but less than you'd probably think. There is no theater called "The Vista" here (and only a scant few non-adult theaters in operation in the city, much less one that would show a Sonny Chiba triple feature). The Vista is actually in L.A., just a few blocks away from the residence of Chris Ungar and Nathan Kane. Also, Detroit is not a city with numbered blocks like New York, so when it turns out that Clarence Whurley lives on something like 160th street, the true Detroiter can only shake their head.

Films that are supposed to be entirely set in Detroit but weren't even filmed in Michigan include RoboCop and, rumor has it, Detroit 9000.

Sam Raimi's Darkman was going to be filmed in Detroit, but I heard he had problems with city officials who must be a lot less friendly than the folks in Chicago who cater to a lot more directors than just John Hughes.

Other general Michigan films include Going Back, Somewhere in Time, and Thou Shalt Not Kill... Except.

-mw